Reflections on translating prose:
After translating an entire chapter from Erwin Uhrmann's new novel Ich bin die Zukunft, I have chosen to reflect on the process of this translation through the excerpt posted below. I chose to post this section of my translation because I faced a number of challenges with it, and I revised and edited it many times. My first time translating literary prose was a lot of fun, but also required a lot of tough decision-making. Throughout the process I, at times, was so focused on the subtleties of of Uhrmann's writing and trying to get his meaning and style across in English, that I made a number of "simpler" mistakes-- specifically regarding verb tense. I learned a lot through this process, but one major thing I learned is not to take for granted my understanding of tense! It is something that can be easily overlooked, but can have big consequences in the meaning and sound of the translation. I originally translated "sei" as "is" in one sentence. Although the tense Konjunktiv I (used to restate what someone else has said) can be a little confusing, my mistranslation made the sentence sound stilted and odd. Replacing it with "was" made the sentence make more sense and flow more smoothly.
Another specific challenge I faced in this translation was the following sentence: "Er stellte sich vor, er sei durch eine Höhle im Berg, die in seiner Fantasie so aussah wie die Grube, in eine andere Dimension geraten, ein Wurmloch, und befinde sich nun an dem einzigen lebensfreundlichen Ort auf L74." I struggled not only to construct one fluid English sentence, but with comprehension as well. However, as we workshopped the sentence together in class, we were able to break it down grammatically, figure out (or approximate) what it meant and then construct a sentence in English that was an accurate translation and sounded natural: "He imagined that through a cave in the mountain, which in his mind looked like the Hollow, he had stumbled into another dimension, a wormhole, and now found himself in the only habitable place on L74." Through this process I gained skills that I can use in the future, when I encounter those all-too-common long and convoluted German sentences, to break them down, reconstruct, and better understand them.This excerpt demonstrates that I am improving my comprehension of German grammar, specifically with regard to verb tenses, and complicated grammatical structures.
After translating an entire chapter from Erwin Uhrmann's new novel Ich bin die Zukunft, I have chosen to reflect on the process of this translation through the excerpt posted below. I chose to post this section of my translation because I faced a number of challenges with it, and I revised and edited it many times. My first time translating literary prose was a lot of fun, but also required a lot of tough decision-making. Throughout the process I, at times, was so focused on the subtleties of of Uhrmann's writing and trying to get his meaning and style across in English, that I made a number of "simpler" mistakes-- specifically regarding verb tense. I learned a lot through this process, but one major thing I learned is not to take for granted my understanding of tense! It is something that can be easily overlooked, but can have big consequences in the meaning and sound of the translation. I originally translated "sei" as "is" in one sentence. Although the tense Konjunktiv I (used to restate what someone else has said) can be a little confusing, my mistranslation made the sentence sound stilted and odd. Replacing it with "was" made the sentence make more sense and flow more smoothly.
Another specific challenge I faced in this translation was the following sentence: "Er stellte sich vor, er sei durch eine Höhle im Berg, die in seiner Fantasie so aussah wie die Grube, in eine andere Dimension geraten, ein Wurmloch, und befinde sich nun an dem einzigen lebensfreundlichen Ort auf L74." I struggled not only to construct one fluid English sentence, but with comprehension as well. However, as we workshopped the sentence together in class, we were able to break it down grammatically, figure out (or approximate) what it meant and then construct a sentence in English that was an accurate translation and sounded natural: "He imagined that through a cave in the mountain, which in his mind looked like the Hollow, he had stumbled into another dimension, a wormhole, and now found himself in the only habitable place on L74." Through this process I gained skills that I can use in the future, when I encounter those all-too-common long and convoluted German sentences, to break them down, reconstruct, and better understand them.This excerpt demonstrates that I am improving my comprehension of German grammar, specifically with regard to verb tenses, and complicated grammatical structures.
The OriginalEr stellte sich vor, er sei durch eine Höhle im Berg, die in seiner Fantasie so aussah wie die Grube, in eine andere Dimension geraten, ein Wurmloch, und befinde sich nun an dem einzigen lebensfreundlichen Ort auf L74.Leitner war dürr geworden. Er trug einen kurzen Bart. Seine Haare schnitt er sich regelmäßig kurz. War er viel in der Sonne, dann fransten sie aus, splissten, wurden hell, fast blond. Seine Hosen hatten Kniebeulen bekommen, sein Hemd wirkte dafür fast wie aus dem Laden, hatte nur auf der rechten Seite am Ellbogen einen Harzfleck, der sich nicht mehr entfernen ließ. Zwei Mal um den linken Arm gewunden trug er Dora Kortschachers dünne Halskette mit einem kleinen silbernen Kreuzanhänger. Die grauen Lederschuhe hatten auf beiden Seiten Ausbuchtungen bei der großen Zehe und rechts eine Ausbuchtung auch bei der kleinen. Leitner verströmte den Geruch von Geräuchertem und Honig, von Angebranntem. Selbst konnte er es nicht riechen, nur manchmal meinte er, eine Geruchsschwade zu erahnen. Er ging zwei bis vier Mal die Woche zur Wasserstelle baden. Am Weg trug er ein weißes Leintuch, das er sich vom Kopf bis zu den Füßen um den Körper wickelte und mit einem Stück Bast um die Stirn befestigte. Manchmal sah er aus wie ein Scheich, dann wie ein Grieche. Ohne es mit seinem Aufzug in Verbindung zu bringen, erzählte er sich selbst oft Geschichten von den Griechen und Römern, zitierte Horaz und mangels guten 108 Gedächtnisses erfand er neue Figuren und neue Geschichten. Er nannte zwei seiner Ziegen Castor und Pollux. Einmal fantasierte er, er lebe auf dem Olymp. Dann stellte er sich wieder vor, auf einem anderen Planeten zu wohnen, den er L74 nannte, nach seinem Nachnamen und seinem Geburtsjahr. Er stellte sich vor, er sei durch eine Höhle im Berg, die in seiner Fantasie so aussah wie die Grube, in eine andere Dimension geraten, ein Wurmloch, und befinde sich nun an dem einzigen lebensfreundlichen Ort auf L74. Wenn er seine täglichen Aufgaben erfüllte, die Vorräte überprüfte, das Haus Raum für Raum abging, sprach er laut vor sich hin, führte Dialoge. Floratti erklärte er, warum er der Meinung war, dass es hier heroben andere Klänge gebe, die Luft sei anders und der Schall verbreite sich nicht so schnell. Er lud ihn zu einem Cembalokonzert ein. Dann sang er mit ihm gemeinsam, summte mit ihm die Appassionata von Beethoven. Manchmal kam Erich dazu, ein alter Schulfreund. Wenn er baden ging, ließ er sich fast immer von Esther begleiten. Esther sah fast genauso aus wie Eva, eine Studienkollegin, mit der Leitner einmal wenige Wochen zusammengewesen war. Mit Esther sprach er über den See unten. Er erklärte ihr, dass es unmöglich sei, runterzugehen. Wer einen gewissen Punkt überschreite, der breche sofort zusammen, seine Haut falte sich nach innen, er gehe zusammen wie ein Ball, dessen Luft ausströmt. Man implodiere. Esther sagte ihm, sie glaube, man könne möglicherweise im Krater leben, in der Caldera. Sie erzählte ihm von einem Zugang, der sich irgendwo am Fu- ße der Wand befinden musste, wo Leitner den Ziegenbock gefunden hatte. Leitner zitterte in solchen Momenten vor Nervosität. Er nahm sich jedes Mal vor, Esther von der Grube zu erzählen. Er war sicher, dass der Gang hinter der 109 Grube dorthin führte. Würde er Esther von der Grube erzählen, dann würde sie auf jeden Fall hineingehen wollen. Leitner aber wollte nicht weiter hineingehen. Etwas sagte ihm, er sollte es noch nicht tun. Wenn niemand kam, dann überlegte Leitner, was sich in der Grube verbarg. Er mochte die Vorstellung, dass ein Gang in ein anderes Tal führte. Dort war vielleicht jemand. Vielleicht hatte auch Esther recht und der Gang mündete in den Krater.
Uhrmann, Erwin. Ich bin die Zukunft. Innsbruck: Limbus Verlag, 2014.
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My TranslationLeitner had become thin. He wore a short beard. He regularly cut his hair short. When he was in the sun a lot, it frayed, split, became light, almost blond. His pants had become baggy at the knees, but his shirt looked like it was fresh from the store, it only had a spot of resin on the right elbow that wouldn’t come out. He wore Dora Kortschacher’s thin necklace with the small silver cross pendant wrapped twice around his left arm. Both of his grey leather shoes had bulges at the big toe, and the right one also bulged at the small toe. Leitner gave off the smell of smoked meat and honey, of something burnt. He couldn’t smell it himself, only sometimes did he perceive a trace of an odor. He went two to four times a week to bathe at the watering hole. On the way he wore a white sheet that he wrapped around his body from head to toe and tied around his forehead with a piece of bast. Sometimes he looked like a sheikh, other times like an ancient Greek. Without making the connection to his robe, he often told himself stories of the Greeks and Romans, quoted Horace and, for lack of a good memory, invented new characters and new stories. He named two of his goats Castor and Pollux. Once he fantasized that he lived on Mount Olympus. Then he imagined he lived on another planet, which he called L74, for his last name and birth year. He imagined that through a cave in the mountain, which in his mind looked like the Hollow, he had stumbled into another dimension, a wormhole, and now found himself in the only habitable place on L74. When he carried out his daily tasks, checked the provisions, went through the house room by room, he spoke aloud to himself, constructed dialogues. He explained to Floratti why he believed there were different sounds up here, the air was different and the sound didn’t travel so quickly. He invited him to a harpsichord concert. Then he sang together with him, hummed Beethoven’s Appassionata with him. Sometimes Erich joined in, an old school friend. When he went to bathe he was almost always accompanied by Esther. Esther looked almost exactly like Eva, a university classmate Leitner had dated for a couple of weeks. With Esther he talked about the lake below. He explained to her that it was impossible to go down there. Whoever crossed a certain point would immediately collapse, his skin folding in on itself, he would shrivel like a ball deflating. He would implode. Esther told him she believed it was possible to live in the crater, in the caldera. She told him about an opening that had to be located somewhere at the foot of the wall, where Leitner had found the goat. Leitner trembled with nervousness in these moments. Every time he resolved to tell Esther about the Hollow. He was sure that the passageway behind the Hollow led there. If he told Esther about the Hollow she would definitely want to go in. But Leitner didn’t want to go any further. Something told him that he shouldn’t do it yet. When no one came, Leitner thought about what was hiding in the Hollow. He liked the idea that a passageway led into another valley. Maybe someone was there. Maybe even Esther was right and the passageway led into the crater.
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